Funny College Essay! (long but worth it)

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  1. #1 Funny College Essay! (long but worth it) 
    Graphics Staff / Writer Wabba's Avatar
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    Friend sent me this, its sooooo funny, had to share it. Its long, but its worth every second. Be like this guy, because if nmot, you have failed as a person. Enjoy! :D

    >The following is supposedly an actual question
    >given on a University of Washington chemistry
    >mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
    >that
    >the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
    >Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
    >pleasure of enjoying it as well.
    >
    >Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
    > heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
    >
    >Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
    >using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
    >when it is compressed) or some variant. One
    >student, however, wrote the following:
    >
    >First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
    >changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which
    >souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
    >they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
    >that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
    >Therefore, no souls are leaving.
    >
    >As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
    >the different religions that exist in the world today.
    >Most of these religions state that if you are not a
    >member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
    >there is more than one of these religions and since
    >people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
    >project that all souls go to Hell.
    >
    >With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
    >the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
    >
    >
    >Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
    >Hell because Boyle's Law states that in
    >order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
    >the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
    >proportionately as souls are added.
    >
    >This gives two possibilities:
    >
    >1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
    >at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
    >pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
    >loose.
    >
    >2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
    >increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
    >pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
    >
    >So which is it?
    >
    >If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
    >during my Freshman year that, " it will be a cold day
    >in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into
    >account the fact that I slept with her last night,
    >then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that
    >Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
    >
    >The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
    >frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
    >more souls and is therefore extinct. . . leaving only
    >Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a devine
    >being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
    >shouting "Oh my God."
    >
    >THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


    Requests-139
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  2. #2  
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    Genius, pure genius
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  3. #3  
    Super Moderator Boba.Fatt's Avatar
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    Speaking from experience, I would totally give that all the points it possibly deserved. It was a simple extra credit question with the purpose of giving a student some extra points for briefly explaining the difference between endo- and exo-dermic principles.

    As a science teacher I'm always looking to increase a students thought processing and literary skills. My exams have many similar questions that rely on basic knowledge of the topic at hand and room to add whatever you want. It's a great teaching tactic that works quite well.

    The response this particular student gave was everything I could have asked for; knowledge of the topic and a fantastic imagination. Unfortunetly, students like this are usually so much more advanced in terms of thinking that they tend to get bored in school, daydream, and hate doing homework. All of which leads to a lower grade then they should be getting. (i.e. myself in high school and college)

    Quote Originally Posted by oxfordfreestyl View Post
    I swear to God nobody makes me laugh more than that guy that hates all of his students, the fact that he's married, and the train guy.
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  4. #4  
    xa
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    I know what you mean, that essay was great.
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    sgp
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    comedy. i should use that if i ever need it.
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  6. #6  
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    I saw that a few years ago. The only difference was that when I saw it, there was a note at the bottom that said "It is not know what grade the student received".
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  7. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boba Fat 420
    The response this particular student gave was everything I could have asked for; knowledge of the topic and a fantastic imagination. Unfortunetly, students like this are usually so much more advanced in terms of thinking that they tend to get bored in school, daydream, and hate doing homework. All of which leads to a lower grade then they should be getting. (i.e. myself in high school and college)

    not to seem conceited but,

    That totally applies to me, except I got in trouble for my low grades last year so mine are good this year

    basically my 7th grade repot card was:

    1st quarter:
    GPA:3.8

    Second quarter (boredom)
    GPA:2.7

    3rd quarter (boredom)
    GPA:2.9

    4th quarter (no socom all of 3rd quarter)
    GPA:3.7

    lol as you can see, the lack of socom helped a lot. So did going to a counseling group of all of us really smart kids with bad grades
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  8. #8  
    xa
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    I'm the same way, the taking away of socom 2 also helped with me :D
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  9. #9  
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    Let's see. My GPA last semester was 2.75 And my parents loved it. But this quarter I don't expect anything good. One class brought me down. I have a 25% in it right now. I turned in the work I was missing but I don't know what it will be at. She is a horrible teacher though, and she hates me because my brother was an asshole to her a few years ago. Oh well...fuck it!
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    That essay was the most wonderful thing ive read in my life... i thought it was PURE comedy... dAmMit that was
    funny

    Socom 2 name: Cpt.Kill(a)lot
    Rank: lt. commander
    Clan: Leader of L&L
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  11. #11  
    Moderator The mOBSCENE's Avatar
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    hell, it was worded corectly... great use of grammer and i love the real life example of tereasa sleeping with him... good stuff!



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  12. #12  
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    Hi,
    This is funny. I love reading it. Thanks for sharing, I will use it if need sometimes.

    Regards,
    Steve (essayservice.co.uk)
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  13. #13  
    Full Member BloodHunter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boba.Fatt View Post
    Speaking from experience, I would totally give that all the points it possibly deserved. It was a simple extra credit question with the purpose of giving a student some extra points for briefly explaining the difference between endo- and exo-dermic principles.

    As a science teacher I'm always looking to increase a students thought processing and literary skills. My exams have many similar questions that rely on basic knowledge of the topic at hand and room to add whatever you want. It's a great teaching tactic that works quite well.

    The response this particular student gave was everything I could have asked for; knowledge of the topic and a fantastic imagination. Unfortunetly, students like this are usually so much more advanced in terms of thinking that they tend to get bored in school, daydream, and hate doing homework. All of which leads to a lower grade then they should be getting. (i.e. myself in high school and college)
    I can only assume that you sir, are a great teacher. Seriously.
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  14. #14  
    Senior Member Midnight Walker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadioactiveMan View Post
    I saw that a few years ago. The only difference was that when I saw it, there was a note at the bottom that said "It is not know what grade the student received".
    I remember the guy as still not having succeeded in having slept with Teresa, and thus hell must be endothermic, which I thought was funnier. But still, this cracks me up every time I see it.

    Cheers Raavyn for the sig!
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    Interesting... I will share this with my friends...
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Funny College Essay! (long but worth it)