I knew you were going to make something like this, lol.
Uhh....let's see....I thought that Big Red was cool. That's pretty crazy, eh? lol
Just kidding.
Seriously...I played AirSoft in my frontyard at night with my friend in front of a cop. He just laughed (only when I sniped my friend's balls, lol). We video taped what we did, but it's a crappy VHS so I can't post it.
I'm hoping that the lightbulb incident didn't occur right before you're masturbation obsession. That's like beating it with gravel (or something...).
Oh yeah...I jumped off my friend's roof into his pool and nearly hit my leg on the edge. Everyone was laughing, but I pissed my pants (yes...in the pool).